everyone seems to be moving on..

on to pursue their dreams...in a foreign land.

hey, THAT'S MY DREAM TOO

but i guess, that's going to be one thing that i'll never be able to cross out on my wishlist/hopelist/dreamlist/mustdolist

i better stop it before i end up complaining about how unfair life is.

well, it's really almost impossible to determine if life is fair/unfair.

cliche as it sounds, in life, you gain some and lose some.

studying abroad? - nah, not a chance i guess.

stable job? - i think i have it. and i like it too. (like hey, i get to work on twilight for my job!)

so i guess it's fair to me after all. in this aspect at least.

nevertheless, i still can't help but feel a tinge of sadness when friends around me are going overseas one by one to further their studies.

don't get me wrong. i feel really happy for them.

at least people get to experience something that i really want.

it's just that... what are the chances of me going?

the average kid without any plus points or glaring portfolio.

somehow, i guess life will never be complete for me..

if only i have realised it earlier

if only i have done it properly

if only i have done it that way

if only i can turn back time to do better

if only if only if only

there are so many 'if only' in life. but how many 'if only' can really happen?

how many times can we redo something again in order to change the results, change the ending

sometimes i feel that i'm really a failure

having failed myself for getting things done right.

people around me would say that it's not my fault. and maybe on many occasions, it really isn't my fault

but it's just that i feel that both parties have a part to play when something goes wrong.

many times, things just never go smoothly for me.

maybe that's just what i think.

i think i'm just going to suffer from a panic attack soon....

does it show that i really cannot handle?

i'm not cut out for this job?

i failed?

i don't know.

i'm really lost.

Fresh Feeling - The Eels

You don't have a clue
What it is like to be next to you
I'm here to tell you
That it is good
That it is true

Birds singing a song
Old paint is peeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling

Words can't be that strong
My heart is reeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling

Try
Try to forget what's in the past
Tomorrow is here
Love,
Orange sky above lighting your way
There's nothing to fear

Birds singing a song
Old paint is peeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling

Words can't be that strong
My heart is reeling
This is that fresh
That fresh feeling

Some people are good
Babe in the 'hood
So pure and so free
I'd make a safe bet
You're gonna get whatever you need

once upon a time, we have such thing called a DIARY.

it's this book-like thing where we write all our little secrets and details about our daily life (for example, how many times we visit the toilet a day, how many minutes did we spend waiting for the bus, who we decided to friend and defriend etc etc etc.)

oh, not forgetting drawing pictures of people we dislike and starting to deface them.

people who bothers to write diaries actually keep these books locked and stacked up in a small little drawer at their desk.

as time passes, parts of this diary evolved to something known as a BLOG

functions wise, they are pretty much similar. (well, i still see some people blogging about the minute details about their daily lives - eg. i went toilet after this this this...i spent 15 minutes waiting for the bus etc etc etc.)

except that you can probably add some music to the background and some videos which occasionally cause the computer slow down and hang.

without a physical lock, we have got something known as a PASSWORD to LOCK our blogs

thinking that their blogs are safe with the virtual lock, people start to talk about people they hate and some serious bitching not knowing that the other party is actually on the other side of the virtual world reading every single thing they write.

but anyway, this is something that you do not get to do when writing a diary and that is called SHARING.

and when people gets tired of reading endless long posts that talk about the number of times they visit the toilet, the number of minutes they wait for the bus, who they hate and all the bitching, we have something new called TWITTER.

short and sweet. 140 characters. but you tweet about your life every 5 seconds.

twitter does keeps its users away from blogging - true/false

*checks ira's blog*
*checks val's blog*
*checks my blog*

all the details that usually goes into one long blog entry, 1000 words and more, are now split into 100 tweets (each 140 characters)

if that's the case, does more tweets = no life?   OR  more tweets = exciting life

i can't really seem to answer that question myself.

kindly ignore this post if you are reading it, it's just a random/pointless/boring/meaningless entry that i have decided to type while sitting in the office, trying to avoid replying emails.


THE END